Kids Fight Night
For a while there our kids were fighting a lot and sometimes it would crescendo with a fight over something stupid like toothpaste sharing just before bed. Yep, fluoride, a really stupid thing to fight over. So I hit the net, the books, and even a few Super Nanny episodes to work out this fighting thing. I initially put it down to natural behaviour. After all my brother and I fought as kids so it somehow feels normal.
We’ll we changed a lot last month and noticed dramatic changes.
No1. Improver was less TV. I’m convinced the TV is more bad than good for kids. I never would have beleived the difference it makes. Since we cut it back to a show a day there has been an incredible difference. Better attention span. Obviously more outdoor play, more sport, more puzzles, drawing, cubby building etc. Good old stuff I remember doing back in the X-Gen days of bad and free TV.
Here’s my scribble from my search on sibling rivalry over recent months. Don’t take anything as gospel, I noted things down, can’t remember where and when the source was (apologies). *The ones with a asterisk are ones I worked out myself through experience of having a 2,5 and 7 year old.
Sibling Rivalry Causes
- Position in the family. The oldest has more work to do/help with. Worry and responsibility.
- Son is jealous of a sister because father is more gentle with her.
- Daughter might wish she could do boy things with Dad.*
- Personality traits - mood, disposition etc.
- Evolving needs - toddlers claiming toys, asserting themselves.
Never
- Give into the “its not fair” guilt pedalling.
- Argue in front of the kids, they watch how we resolve disagreements.
- Compare one to the other in a verbal benchmarking exercise.*
- Create situations that cause guilt or worse still pedal guilt to get my way with the kids.*
- Interfere if they can settle differences themselves.
- Take sides.
- Put focus on figuring out who is too blame.
- Let them think it should always be fair and equal. Life isn’t.
Always
- Ignore the teasing.
- Tell the teaser that enough is enough when it gets there.
- Have a system for distributing privileges/gifts etc.
- Separate kids until they are calm if they have been fighting.
- Try to set up a win-win to resolve conflict.
- Have rules - no swearing, no yelling, no door slamming. Get their ideas on the rules.
- Quality time for each kid, one on one.
- Acknowledge appropriate vs bad behaviour on a 10:1 ratio.
Got anymore let me know, keen to swap notes with other parents. When it comes to parenting I’m still in the mailroom.
